unbecoming, unbeing

(c) 2012-2013 'Safira B'

do not tell me i should forget what it means
to be the smear of brown in a sea of pallid skin, to be
muddy brown eyes in a canopy of green and sky of blue, to be
small hips and short stretch of legs before miles and miles of pale, curving bodies.

do not tell me i should forget what it means
to be the butt of the joke, to be
you look beautiful today and raucous laughter because
who could find me beautiful? what a laugh.

do not tell me i should forget what it means
to be wrongwrongwrong.

do not tell me i should forget that
you taught me to love men with eyes as blue as the sky and
hair, curly and brown or golden, and
acres of white skin;

when no one ever taught me
how to bleach my skin
and how to stretch my legs fartherfartherfarther until i cannot see the ground
and carve the accent out of my speech
and wash my irises out into something glassy
and wish hard enough for my hair to be blonde.

do not tell me i should forget
when no one ever taught me
the trick to being loved back.